The Etiquette of Marriage
Summary
The human race multiplies through the special relationship between a man and a woman. The manner of this relationship, based on the Qur’an and narrations, is mentioned in the etiquette of marriage. Marriage also has other effects, such as tranquility and affection. By practicing this human tradition and observing its etiquettes, people form a healthy society.
Related Terms
marriage; marrying (giving in marriage); marriage; wedlock; wife; spouse; tradition; (religious) Sunnah; mercy; grace; blessing; blessed increase; sustenance; provision; increase of offspring; procreation; wedding; completion/perfection of religion (faith); the unmarried; those without a spouse
1- The importance of marriage
اَللهُ تَعالی: وَ أَنْكِحُوا الْأَيامى مِنْكُمْ وَ الصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبادِكُمْ وَ إِمائِكُمْ إِنْ يَكُونُوا فُقَراءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِنْ فَضْلِهِ وَ اللَّهُ واسِعٌ عَلِيم.
Marry off the unmarried among you—whether men or women—and your righteous male and female slaves. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty; and Allah is All-Encompassing, All-Knowing.
Reference: Noor / 32
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: مَا بُنِيَ بِنَاءٌ فِي الْإِسْلَامِ أَحَبُّ إِلَى اللَّهِ مِنَ التَّزْوِيجِ.
No structure in Islam is more beloved to God than the structure of marriage. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Makarim al-Akhlaq p. 196
أَمِيرُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: تَزَوَّجُوا فَإِنَ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ) قَالَ مَنْ أَحَبَّ أَنْ يَتَّبِعَ سُنَّتِي فَإِنَّ مِنْ سُنَّتِيَ التَّزْوِيجَ.
Marry, for the Messenger of God (peace be upon him and his family) said: ‘Whoever loves to follow my Sunnah should know that marriage is part of my Sunnah.’ Imam Ali ibn Abitaleb Amir al Momenin(peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 329
2- Condemnation of abandoning marriage
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: رُذَالُ مَوْتَاكُمُ الْعُزَّابُ.
The lowest of your dead are the unmarried. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 329
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: لَوْ خَرَجَ الْعُزَّابُ مِنْ أَمْوَاتِكُمْ إِلَى الدُّنْيَا لَتَزَوَّجُوا.
If the unmarried among your dead were to come back to life and return to this world, they would certainly marry. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Awali al-Laali al-Aziziyyah vol. 3 p. 283
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: أَكْثَرُ أَهْلِ النَّارِ الْعُزَّابُ.
Most of the inhabitants of Hell are the unmarried. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Wasael al-Shia vol. 20 p. 20
3- Effects of marriage
3.1. Increase in the reward of prayer
اَلصَّادِقُ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: رَكْعَتَانِ يُصَلِّيهِمَا الْمُتَزَوِّجُ أَفْضَلُ مِنْ سَبْعِينَ رَكْعَةً يُصَلِّيهَا أَعْزَبُ.
Two units (rak‘ahs) of prayer performed by a married person are better than seventy units of prayer performed by an unmarried person. Imam Jafar ibn Mohammad al Sadegh (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 328
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: لَرَكْعَتَانِ يُصَلِّيهِمَا مُتَزَوِّجٌ أَفْضَلُ مِنْ صَلَاةِ رَجُلٍ عَزَبٍ يَقُومُ لَيْلَهُ وَ يَصُومُ نَهَارَهُ.
Two units (rak‘ahs) of prayer that a married man performs are better than the worship of an unmarried man who spends his night in vigil and his day in fasting. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Makarim al-Akhlaq p. 197
3.2. Preservation and perfection of religion
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: مَنْ تَزَوَّجَ فَقَدْ أَحْرَزَ نِصْفَ دِينِهِ، فَلْيَتَّقِ اللَّهَ فِي النِّصْفِ الْبَاقِي.
Whoever marries has preserved half of his religion; therefore, he should observe piety (Taqwa) regarding the other half. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Amali al-Tusi p. 518
أَمِيرُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: لَمْ يَكُنْ أَحَدٌ مِنْ أَصْحَابِ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ) تَزَوَّجَ إِلَّا قَالَ لَهُ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ كَمَلَ دِينُهُ.
None of the companions of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) would marry but that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) would say: ‘His religion has become complete.’ Imam Ali ibn Abitaleb Amir al Momenin(peace be upon him)
Reference: Awali al-Laali al-Aziziyyah vol. 3 p. 290
3.3. Goodness of character / Excellence of manners
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ:زَوِّجُوا أَيَامَاكُمْ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحْسِنُ لَهُمْ فِي أَخْلَاقِهِمْ وَ يُوَسِّعُ لَهُمْ فِي أَرْزَاقِهِمْ وَ يَزِيدُهُمْ فِي مُرُوَّاتِهِمْ .
Marry off your unmarried ones, for God will improve their character, expand their sustenance, and increase their courage and chivalry. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Bihar al-Anwar vol. 100 p. 222
3.4. Increase of progeny / Multiplication of offspring
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: تَنَاكَحُوا تَنَاسَلُوا فَإِنِّي أُبَاهِي بِكُمُ الْأُمَمَ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ.
Marry so that you may have offspring, for indeed I shall take pride in you over [other] nations on the Day of Resurrection. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Awali al-Laali al-Aziziyyah vol. 3 p. 259
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: مَا يَمْنَعُ الْمُؤْمِنَ أَنْ يَتَّخِذَ أَهْلًا لَعَلَّ اللَّهَ أَنْ يَرْزُقَهُ نَسَمَةً تُثْقِلُ الْأَرْضَ بِلَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ.
What has prevented the believer from taking a spouse for himself?! Perhaps God will grant him a child who will make the earth weighty with the utterance of ‘There is no god but Allah.’ Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Makarim al-Akhlaq p. 196
3.5. Happiness / Good fortune / Blessedness
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: مَنْ تَزَوَّجَ فَقَدْ أُعْطِيَ نِصْفَ السَّعَادَةِ.
Whoever marries has attained half of happiness and good fortune. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Mustadrak al-Wasael vol. 14 p. 154
3.6. Descent of mercy
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: يُفَتَّحُ أَبْوَابُ السَّمَاءِ بِالرَّحْمَةِ فِي أَرْبَعِ مَوَاضِعَ عِنْدَ نُزُولِ الْمَطَرِ وَ عِنْدَ نَظَرِ الْوَلَدِ فِي وَجْهِ الْوَالِدَيْنِ وَ عِنْدَ فَتْحِ بَابِ الْكَعْبَةِ وَ عِنْدَ النِّكَاحِ.
In four instances, the gates of the mercy of heaven are opened: when the rain falls, when a child gazes upon the faces of their parents, when the door of the Kaaba is opened, and at the time of marriage. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Bihar al-Anwar vol. 100 p. 221
3.7. Increase in sustenance / Increase in provision
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ:مَنْ تَرَكَ التَّزْوِيجَ مَخَافَةَ الْعَيْلَةِ فَقَدْ أَسَاءَ ظَنَّهُ بِاللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ يَقُولُ: { إِنْ يَكُونُوا فُقَراءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِنْ فَضْلِهِ.}. ( نور/ ۳۲ )
Whoever abandons marriage out of fear of poverty has indeed thought ill of God, the Mighty and Exalted; for God, the Mighty and Exalted, says: ‘If they are poor, Allah will enrich them from His (bounty).’ Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 331
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: اتَّخِذُوا الْأَهْلَ فَإِنَّهُ أَرْزَقُ لَكُمْ.
Marry, for taking a spouse increases your sustenance. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Wasael al-Shia vol. 20 p. 15
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: الْتَمِسُوا الرِّزْقَ بِالنِّكَاحِ.
Seek sustenance (provision) through marriage. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Makarim al-Akhlaq p. 196
4- Mediation / intercession for marriage
اَلصَّادِقُ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: مَنْ زَوَّجَ عَزَباً كَانَ مِمَّنْ يَنْظُرُ اللَّهُ إِلَيْهِ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ.
Whoever finds a spouse for an unmarried person will be among those upon whom God will cast a merciful gaze on the Day of Resurrection. Imam Jafar ibn Mohammad al Sadegh (peace be upon him)
Reference: Bihar al-Anwar vol. 7 p. 298
أَمِيرُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: أَفْضَلُ الشَّفَاعَاتِ أَنْ تَشْفَعَ بَيْنَ اثْنَيْنِ فِي نِكَاحٍ حَتَّى يَجْمَعَ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا.
The best of intercessions is to intercede between two people in marriage, so that God may unite them. Imam Ali ibn Abitaleb Amir al Momenin(peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 331
اَلصَّادِقُ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: أرْبَعَةٌ يَنْظُرُ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ إِلَيْهِمْ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ مَنْ أَقَالَ نَادِماً أَوْ أَغَاثَ لَهْفَانَ أَوْ أَعْتَقَ نَسَمَةً أَوْ زَوَّجَ عَزَباً.
There are four whom God, the Mighty and Exalted, will look upon with a merciful gaze on the Day of Resurrection: one who cancels a transaction for someone who regrets [it], one who gives justice to an oppressed person, one who frees a slave, and one who marries off an unmarried man. Imam Jafar ibn Mohammad al Sadegh (peace be upon him)
Reference: Wasael al-Shia vol. 17 p. 387
اَلْكَاظِمُ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: ثَلَاثَةٌ يَسْتَظِلُّونَ بِظِلِّ عَرْشِ اللَّهِ يَوْمَ لَا ظِلَّ إِلَّا ظِلُّهُ رَجُلٌ زَوَّجَ أَخَاهُ الْمُسْلِمَ أَوْ أَخْدَمَهُ أَوْ كَتَمَ لَهُ سِرّاً .
Three people will be under the shade of God’s Throne on the Day of Resurrection—the day when there is no shade except His shade: a man who finds a wife for his Muslim brother, or provides him with a servant, or keeps his secret concealed. Imam Ali ibn Mohammad al Kazem (peace be upon him)
Reference: Bihar al-Anwar vol. 72 p. 70
5- Carefulness in choosing a spouse
إِبْرَاهِيمَ الْكَرْخِيِ: قُلْتُ لِأَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ (عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ) إِنَّ صَاحِبَتِي هَلَكَتْ وَ كَانَتْ لِي مُوَافِقَةً وَ قَدْ هَمَمْتُ أَنْ أَتَزَوَّجَ فَقَالَ انْظُرْ أَيْنَ تَضَعُ نَفْسَكَ وَ مَنْ تُشْرِكُهُ فِي مَالِكَ وَ تُطْلِعُهُ عَلَى دِينِكَ وَ سِرِّك.
Ibrāhīm al-Karkhī said: I said to Imam al-Ṣādiq (peace be upon him), ‘My wife has passed away, though she was my companion. Now I have decided to marry.’ He (peace be upon him) said: ‘Look to where you are placing yourself, and whom you are making a partner in your wealth and a confidant over your religion and your secrets.’ Imam Jafar ibn Mohammad al Sadegh (peace be upon him)
Reference: Maani al-Akhbar p. 317
اَلصَّادِقُ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: إِنَّ الْمَرْأَةَ قِلَادَةٌ فَانْظُرْ مَا ذَا تَقَلَّدُ …لَيْسَ لِلْمَرْأَةِ خَطَرٌ لَا لِصَالِحَتِهِنَّ وَ لَا لِطَالِحَتِهِنَّ أَمَّا صَالِحَتُهُنَّ فَلَيْسَ خَطَرُهَا الذَّهَبَ وَ الْفِضَّةَ وَ هِيَ خَيْرٌ مِنَ الذَّهَبِ وَ الْفِضَّةِ وَ أَمَّا طَالِحَتُهُنَّ فَلَيْسَ التُّرَابُ خَطَرَهَا وَ التُّرَابُ خَيْرٌ مِنْهَا.
Indeed, a woman is a yoke and a necklace upon her husband’s neck. So look carefully at what kind of yoke you place upon your neck… There is no ‘price’ for good or bad women; as for righteous and upright women, they are better than gold and silver. But as for wicked women, they are not worth even dust—rather, dust is better than them. Imam Jafar ibn Mohammad al Sadegh (peace be upon him)
Reference: Tahdhib al-Ahkam vol. 7 p. 402
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ إِيَّاكُمْ وَ خَضْرَاءَ الدِّمَنِ قِيلَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ) وَ مَا خَضْرَاءُ الدِّمَنِ قَالَ الْمَرْأَةُ الْحَسْنَاءُ فِي مَنْبِتِ السَّوْءِ.
O people! Beware of greenery that grows in a dung-heap.” They asked, “O Messenger of Allah! What is the greenery of the dung-heap?” He said, “A beautiful woman who has been raised in a lowly and ignoble family. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Bihar al-Anwar vol. 100 p. 236
6- Attributes of a Wife
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: أَفْضَلُ نِسَاءِ أُمَّتِي أَصْبَحُهُنَّ وَجْهاً وَ أَقَلُّهُنَّ مَهْراً.
The best women of my community are those who are the most beautiful and have the lowest dowries. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 324
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ:مِنْ سَعَادَةِ الْمَرْءِ الزَّوْجَةُ الصَّالِحَةُ.
A good and righteous wife is among a man’s good fortune. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 327
اَلْكَاظِمُ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: مَا أَفَادَ عَبْدٌ فَائِدَةً خَيْراً مِنْ زَوْجَةٍ صَالِحَةٍ إِذَا رَآهَا سَرَّتْهُ وَ إِذَا غَابَ عَنْهَا حَفِظَتْهُ فِي نَفْسِهَا وَ مَالِهِ.
A person has gained no benefit better than a righteous spouse: when he looks at her, she makes him happy; and when he is absent from her, she safeguards his honor and his wealth. Imam Ali ibn Mohammad al Kazem (peace be upon him)
Reference: Bihar al-Anwar vol. 100 p. 217
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: خَيْرُ نِسَائِكُمُ الْعَفِيفَةُ الْغَلِمَةُ.
The best of your women is the chaste woman who loves her husband. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 325
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: خَيْرُ نِسَائِكُمُ الطَّيِّبَةُ الطَّعَامِ الطَّيِّبَةُ الرِّيحِ الَّتِي إِنْ أَنْفَقَتْ أَنْفَقَتْ بِمَعْرُوفٍ وَ إِنْ أَمْسَكَتْ أَمْسَكَتْ بِمَعْرُوفٍ فَتِلْكَ عَامِلٌ مِنْ عُمَّالِ اللَّهِ وَ عَامِلُ اللَّهِ لَا يَخِيبُ.
The best of your women is she who is fragrant and good at cooking; when she spends, she spends well, and when she withholds, she withholds appropriately. Such a woman is among God’s workers, and God’s worker is not disappointed. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 325
اَلصَّادِقُ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: خَيْرُ نِسَائِكُمُ الَّتِي إِنْ أُعْطِيَتْ شَكَرَتْ وَ إِنْ مُنِعَتْ رَضِيَتْ.
The best of your women is the woman who, if something is given to her, is grateful; and if it is not given to her, she is content and pleased. Imam Jafar ibn Mohammad al Sadegh (peace be upon him)
Reference: Bihar al-Anwar vol. 100 p. 239
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: أَعْظَمُ النِّسَاءِ بَرَكَةً أَيْسَرُهُنَّ مَئُونَةً.
The most blessed of women are those who are the least costly. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Mustadrak al-Wasael vol. 14 p. 162
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: إِنَّ خَيْرَ نِسَائِكُمُ الْوَلُودُ الْوَدُودُ الْعَفِيفَةُ الْعَزِيزَةُ فِي أَهْلِهَا الذَّلِيلَةُ مَعَ بَعْلِهَا الْمُتَبَرِّجَةُ مَعَ زَوْجِهَا الْحَصَانُ عَلَى غَيْرِهِ الَّتِي تَسْمَعُ قَوْلَهُ وَ تُطِيعُ أَمْرَهُ وَ إِذَا خَلَا بِهَا بَذَلَتْ لَهُ مَا يُرِيدُ مِنْهَا وَ لَمْ تَبَذَّلْ كَتَبَذُّلِ الرَّجُلِ.
Indeed, the best of your women is the one who is fertile, affectionate, chaste, honored and respected among her relatives, yet humble and modest before her husband; who adorns herself for her husband and remains modest toward others; who listens to her husband and obeys him; and when she is alone with him, gives herself to what he desires, and does not withhold herself as men do. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 324
أَمِيرُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: خِيَارُ خِصَالِ النِّسَاءِ شِرَارُ خِصَالِ الرِّجَالِ الزَّهْوُ وَ الْجُبْنُ وَ الْبُخْلُ فَإِذَا كَانَتِ الْمَرْأَةُ ذَاتَ زَهْوٍ لَمْ تُمَكِّنْ مِنْ نَفْسِهَا وَ إِذَا كَانَتْ بَخِيلَةً حَفِظَتْ مَالَهَا وَ مَالَ بَعْلِهَا وَ إِذَا كَانَتْ جَبَانَةً فَرِقَتْ مِنْ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ يَعْرِضُ لَهَا.
The best traits in women are the worst traits in men, namely: self-admiration, fearfulness, and miserliness. So if a woman is self-admiring, she will not allow anyone to reach out to her; if she is miserly, she will guard her own wealth and her husband’s; and if she is fearful, she will keep away—out of preserving her honor—from everything that comes her way. Imam Ali ibn Abitaleb Amir al Momenin(peace be upon him)
Reference: Nahj al-Balaghah Wisdom 234
7- Attributes of a Man
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: إِذَا جَاءَكُمْ مَنْ تَرْضَوْنَ خُلُقَهُ وَ دِينَهُ فَزَوِّجُوهُ { إِلَّا تَفْعَلُوهُ تَكُنْ فِتْنَةٌ فِي الْأَرْضِ وَ فَسادٌ كَبِيرٌ.} (انفال/۷۳ ).
If there comes to you a suitor whose religion and character you approve of, then marry [your daughter] to him. {If you do not do so, there will be turmoil and great corruption on the earth.} Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 347
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: مَنْ زَوَّجَ كَرِيمَتَهُ مِنْ فَاسِقٍ فَقَدْ قَطَعَ رَحِمَهُ.
Whoever marries his dear daughter to a corrupt man has severed kinship with her. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Makarim al-Akhlaq p. 204
اَلصَّادِقُ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: مَنْ زَوَّجَ كَرِيمَتَهُ مِنْ شَارِبِ الْخَمْرِ فَقَدْ قَطَعَ رَحِمَهَا.
Whoever marries his dear daughter to a wine-drinker has severed ties of kinship with her. Imam Jafar ibn Mohammad al Sadegh (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 347
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ:شَارِبُ الْخَمْرِ لَا يُزَوَّجُ إِذَا خَطَبَ.
When a wine-drinker comes as a suitor, he should not be given a wife in marriage. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 348
الْحُسَيْنِ بْنِ بَشَّارٍ الْوَاسِطِيِّ : كَتَبْتُ إِلَى أَبِي الْحَسَنِ الرِّضَا (عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ) أَنَّ لِي قَرَابَةً قَدْ خَطَبَ إِلَيَّ وَ فِي خُلُقِهِ شَيْءٌ فَقَالَ لَا تُزَوِّجْهُ إِنْ كَانَ سَيِّئَ الْخُلُقِ.
Ḥusayn ibn Bashshār al-Wāsiṭī said: I wrote to Imam al-Riḍā (peace be upon him) that one of my relatives has come to propose marriage to my daughter, but he has an unpleasant character. The Imam replied: If he is bad-tempered, then do not give your daughter to him. Imam Ali ibn Moosa al Reza (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 363
8- Motivation for Marriage
اَلصَّادِقُ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: إِذَا تَزَوَّجَ الرَّجُلُ الْمَرْأَةَ لِجَمَالِهَا أَوْ مَالِهَا وُكِلَ إِلَى ذَلِكَ وَ إِذَا تَزَوَّجَهَا لِدِينِهَا رَزَقَهُ اللَّهُ الْجَمَالَ وَ الْمَالَ.
If a man marries a woman for her beauty and wealth, [God] will leave him to that beauty and wealth. But if he marries her for her religion, God will also grant him wealth and beauty as sustenance. Imam Jafar ibn Mohammad al Sadegh (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 333
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ:مَنْ تَزَوَّجَ امْرَأَةً لِمَالِهَا وَكَلَهُ اللَّهُ إِلَيْهِ وَ مَنْ تَزَوَّجَهَا لِجَمَالِهَا رَأَى فِيهَا مَا يَكْرَهُ وَ مَنْ تَزَوَّجَهَا لِدِينِهَا جَمَعَ اللَّهُ لَهُ ذَلِكَ.
Whoever marries a woman for her wealth, God will leave him to her wealth; and whoever marries her for her beauty will see in her things he dislikes. But whoever marries her for her religiosity, God will provide him with beauty and wealth as well. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Wasael al-Shia vol. 20 p. 51
اَلسّجادُ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: مَنْ تَزَوَّجَ لِلَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ وَ لِصِلَةِ الرَّحِمِ تَوَّجَهُ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى بِتَاجِ الْمُلْكِ وَ الْكَرَامَةِ.
Whoever marries for the sake of [the pleasure of] God, the Mighty and Exalted, and to maintain ties of kinship, God, Exalted is He, will adorn him with the crown of wealth and honor. Imam Ali ibn Hossein al Sajjad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Man la Yahduruhu al-Faqih vol. 3 p. 385
9- Prayer and Supplication for a Suitor
اَلْبَاقِرُ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: إِذَا تَزَوَّجَ أَحَدُكُمْ كَيْفَ يَصْنَعُ قُلْتُ لَا أَدْرِي قَالَ إِذَا هَمَّ بِذَلِكَ فَلْيُصَلِّ رَكْعَتَيْنِ وَ لْيَحْمَدِ اللَّهَ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ ثُمَّ يَقُولُ: اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أُرِيدُ أَنْ أَتَزَوَّجَ فَقَدِّرْ لِي مِنَ النِّسَاءِ أَعَفَّهُنَّ فَرْجاً وَ أَحْفَظَهُنَّ لِي فِي نَفْسِهَا وَ مَالِي وَ أَوْسَعَهُنَّ رِزْقاً وَ أَعْظَمَهُنَّ بَرَكَةً وَ قَدِّرْ لِي وَلَداً طَيِّباً تَجْعَلْهُ خَلَفاً صَالِحاً فِي حَيَاتِي وَ بَعْدَ مَوْتِي.
When one intends to marry, they should pray two rak’ats of prayer and praise and thank God, the Mighty and Sublime. Then they should recite [this supplication]: “O God, I am seeking to marry. O God, provide for me from women a spouse who is more pleasing in countenance, more diligent in guarding my honor and my property, more abundant in provision, and greater in blessing. And destine for me from her righteous offspring who shall be a good successor to me in my life and after my death. Imam Mohammad ibn Ali al Bagher (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 501
اَلصَّادِقُ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: يَقُولُ إِذَا أَرَادَ الرَّجُلُ أَنْ يَتَزَوَّجَ الْمَرْأَةَ فَلْيَقُلْ { أَقْرَرْتُ بِالْمِيثَاقِ الَّذِي أَخَذَ اللَّهُ إِمْسَاكٌ بِمَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ تَسْرِيحٌ بِإِحْسانٍ.} ( بقره/ ۲۲۹ ) .
When a man intends and decides to marry a woman, he should say: “I confess and acknowledge the covenant that God has taken: either [to keep the woman] ‘with kindness, or to release her with kindness.’ Imam Jafar ibn Mohammad al Sadegh (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 502
10- Wedding Ceremony
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ:زُفُّوا عَرَائِسَكُمْ لَيْلًا وَ أَطْعِمُوا ضُحًى.
Send your brides to the husband’s [house] at night. And give food during the day. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Bihar al-Anwar vol. 100 p. 268
اَلرَسُولُ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ: الْوَلِيمَةُ أَوَّلَ يَوْمٍ حَقٌّ وَ الثَّانِيَ مَعْرُوفٌ وَ مَا زَادَ رِيَاءٌ وَ سُمْعَةٌ.
A feast on the first day is fitting and proper, and on the second day it is [an act of] goodness, and beyond that it is showing off and pretense. Messenger of God prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 368
جَابِرٍ الْأَنْصَارِيِّ : لَمَّا زَوَّجَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ) فَاطِمَةَ (عَلَيْها سَلَامُ) …كَبَّرَ جِبْرِيلُ (عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ) وَ كَبَّرَ مِيكَائِيلُ (عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ) وَ كَبَّرَتِ الْمَلَائِكَةُ وَ كَبَّرَ مُحَمَّدٌ (صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ) فَوُضِعَ التَّكْبِيرُ عَلَى الْعَرَائِسِ مِنْ تِلْكَ اللَّيْلَةِ.
Jabir ibn Abdullah [narrated]: On the night of the wedding of Lady Fatima al-Zahra (peace be upon her) when she was taken to her husband’s house, Gabriel, Michael, the angels, and Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said “Allahu Akbar” (God is the Greatest). And from that night onwards, saying “Allahu Akbar” upon the arrival of brides [at their husband’s house] became customary.
Reference: Makarim al-Akhlaq p. 208
11- Wedding Night Prayer
اَلصَّادِقُ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ: إِذَا دَخَلْتَ بِأَهْلِكَ فَخُذْ بِنَاصِيَتِهَا وَ اسْتَقْبِلِ الْقِبْلَةَ وَ قُلِ اللَّهُمَّ بِأَمَانَتِكَ أَخَذْتُهَا وَ بِكَلِمَاتِكَ اسْتَحْلَلْتُهَا فَإِنْ قَضَيْتَ لِي مِنْهَا وَلَداً فَاجْعَلْهُ مُبَارَكاً تَقِيّا مِنْ شِيعَةِ آلِ مُحَمَّدٍ وَ لَا تَجْعَلْ لِلشَّيْطَانِ فِيهِ شِرْكاً وَ لَا نَصِيباً.
When you go to your wife [on your wedding night], take the forelock of her hair, face the Qibla, and say: “O God! I have taken her as Your trust and made her lawful to me by Your words. So if You destine for me a child from her, then make him a blessed and righteous child among the followers and Shi’a of Muhammad, and do not grant Satan any share or portion in him. Imam Jafar ibn Mohammad al Sadegh (peace be upon him)
Reference: Al-Kafi vol. 5 p. 500